Foles conquers Patriots dynasty

Devon Greene, Sports editor

There were a few things at the beginning of the 2017-2018 NFL season that I knew to be true. The Cleveland Browns were going to be the worse team ever, Deshaun Watson was going to be the breakout star, and the New England Patriots were on their way to another Super Bowl.

I ended up being correct on all of these things, but an unfortunate injury caused Watson’s breakout rookie year to end prematurely. But, I along with other football fans were shocked to hear that Nick Foles was going to be the man that dethroned the greatest quarterback of all time, Tom Brady.

Now I don’t want to overreact, but I think it is safe to say that Foles cemented himself as the best athlete to ever live. He was sitting on the bench behind a young NFL star and MVP frontrunner Carson Wentz six games ago. He’s performed on the biggest stage of them all, and went up to the quarterback who dominated this league for over a decade and slapped him right in the face. Brady, surprised and hurt by the slap, sat down gingerly and wept as Foles snatched that metaphoric crown right off the 40-year-old quarterback’s head, and has now become the greatest quarterback off all time.

I like to compare a lot of things to movies because movies are perfect, and life should always be a movie. I will compare Foles’ situation to one of the greatest movies that has ever graced the SyFy network, “Sharknado.” The cinematic masterpiece only has a 3.3 out of 10-star rating on IMDb, with 39,568 viewers reviewing the film.

I am here to tell you that they are all wrong. The star of the film Ian Ziering, portrays Fin Shepard, a former surfer who is a bar owner on the beach. The movie quickly turns when a storm hits and tornadoes fly over the ocean, causing sharks to be pulled into the air and terrorize the city of Los Angeles. The entire 126-minute runtime of this movie is unapologetic, utter absurdity, and fun, which happens to be exactly what happened to Foles.

Foles started off his NFL career with the Eagles and never played more than 13 games in a season while with the team. He was an average NFL quarterback but in 2014, he had the season of his life after starter Michael Vick fell to injury. He made the Pro Bowl and he ended up winning MVP. He threw for 2,891 yards in his pro bowl season, along with 27 touchdowns. These were his glory days, like Shepard when he was a surfer in his prime. Foles time in Philadelphia came to an end in 2015, when he went on to play for the worst coach to ever exist in the NFL, Jeff Fisher.

His career then began to spiral downward as he struggled under the Fisher led, St. Louis Rams, rest in peace to the St. Louis Rams, and only played 3 games in Kansas City in 2016. It reportedly got so bleak for Foles, he considered retirement. But he got one more chance with the team that drafted him with the Eagles in 2017.

Wentz going down with a complete ACL and LCL tear along with a broken leg in week 14 was the beginning of the “Sharknado.” Chaos was running over Philadelphia; the NFL world wrote off the Eagles after they looked like a Super Bowl caliber team. Everyone was getting eaten by sharks and the city was beginning to panic.

Foles immediately embodied exactly what Shepard did in “Sharknado.” He was the strong human who could handle anything that came his way. Foles held down the fort for the remainder of the regular season but a second sharknado formed as the playoffs began. He didn’t even blink an eye. Foles played the best he ever had under unbelievable pressure. He got out his trusty chainsaw and began to shred through NFL defenses, along with one of the best defensive units the NFL had seen in years in the Minnesota Vikings. It looked like the Eagles were riding high on their way to the Super Bowl, they already stopped the first two sharknadoes and they had the entire city of Philadelphia behind them. But then the third sharknado formed.

This sharknado was the fiercest the world had ever seen. We will call this one, the Patriots. But in a moment of unbelievable courage, Foles stared dead into the eye of that sharknado and never flinched. He drove his Humvee with a bomb in the backseat and stopped the sharknado but there was one thing left for Foles to do. He had to save the city of Philadelphia from the pit of obscurity that had plagued them since 1960, when they won the NFL Championship Game before the Super Bowl even existed. Brady and the Patriots were a shark falling from the sky after Foles had stopped the final sharknado and the Lombardi trophy was inside the stomach of that shark.

Foles grabbed his chainsaw once again and performed the most majestic leap he ever leaped into that shark’s stomach. He was swallowed whole and was in that shark’s stomach for minutes.

The world stood still as the Patriots had the ball left with one-minute left on the clock. It was a moment all too familiar for sports fans, where it seemed like the vicious Brady was going to sink his teeth into an NFL defense once more for a game winning drive, but then Brandon Graham appeared. Graham slipped by Patriot right tackle Cameron Fleming and strip sacked Brady and the Eagles gained possession after Derek Barnett recovered the fumble.

As the stadium fell silent, Enrique Iglesias’ golden pipes began to ring out through U.S. Bank Stadium. His masterpiece of a song “Hero” played as Foles cut through the stomach of the shark holding the first Lombardi Trophy to ever grace the city of Philadelphia.

Foles is the new hero of every football fan out there, except New England, and will forever go down in NFL history as the backup quarterback who beat the best dynasty that ever stepped onto a football field.