Brady tames the Jaguars

Devon Greene, Sports editor

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In every single second of our lives, there is something that we can learn from. I try to sit back and think about what I can learn from and build upon it.

On Sunday, the NFC and AFC Championship games took place and there are a few things I learned as the games unfolded on our television screens.

The first thing I learned, which is really something that I learned a very long time ago, is that New England Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady is unbeatable. Brady is 40-years old and playing better football than I play on rookie mode in Madden. It also became apparent against the Jacksonville Jaguars that he is indestructible. 

Brady was playing with ten or twelve stitches in his throwing hand. I have to go to the emergency room and hire a twenty-four hour-a-day nurse when I get a paper cut. Brady and the Patriots found themselves trailing 14-3 at halftime and 20-10 in the fourth quarter. Early in the game they lost one of the top three tight ends of all-time, Rob Gronkowski. Leaving their number one receiver a 5-foot-11-inch tall wide receiver in Danny Amendola. Along with all of that adversity, keep in mind that they were playing the number one pass defense in the NFL. If you just gave me those terms without telling me what team was playing, I would say that they had no chance of winning. However, it was the Patriots and Brady.

I’ve never had more confidence in anyone like I have confidence in Brady. He just keeps coming back and winning and it never gets old. My favorite thing to see is when anti-Patriot and anti-Brady fans watch games and see them getting smacked upside the head in the first half, they go to all their social media accounts and laugh and boast. They’re so confident that this is the time that Tommy Terrific goes down. Then, he flips a switch and transitions from a human, to a football robot with bionic arms and super-vision. Brady  comes back, and he wins and those same people that were berating him are suddenly nowhere to be found.

There’s a few things that I am positive will die or be gone before Brady is done making other NFL defenses look like those puppies from the “Puppy Bowl,” that airs every year on the Animal Planet, which happens to be the greatest sport, human or animal, to ever be invented.

Walking will be dead before Brady is done with football. Instead of walking, we will all be riding on those hover chairs that all those people in “Wall-E” were riding on in the spacecraft after the Earth became inhabitable. The art of cooking food will also be eradicated. All food will be made instantly, using the microwave and food packets like they had in the “Spy Kids” movies. Trees will no longer exist because humans will have used them all for their pencils and clogs. We will get most of our oxygen supply from those cheap fake trees from the Dollar Store with oxygen dispensers built inside the wicker pots and fake soil. And lastly, the NFL will be dead. All of the critics of the game will finally get the upper hand and they will tear down the sport for being too barbaric. The immortal Brady will be left throwing applesauce with a perfect spiral at his pesky nurse in his senior citizen’s home.

The second thing I learned from the AFC Championship game was that Blake Bortles is painfully average. Bortles almost fooled the entire football community. He was undefeated in his playoff career, it was only two games but let’s forget about that part where he looked like the next savior of the Jacksonville Jaguars. He beat a Hall of Fame quarterback Pittsburgh Steeler, Ben Roethlisberger, and it looked like he was about to beat the greatest quarterback of all time and stop the most impressive dynasty in sports history.

Brady, Belichick, Amendola and James Harrison. Long ago, the 32 NFL franchises lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when Brady and Belichick attacked. Only Bortles, the master of all four of the average quarterback talents, had the chance to stop them. And only he stood between the Patriots and their eighth Super Bowl, but when the NFL needed him most, he vanished.

Former Steeler Harrison and Patriots defense started to put pressure on Bortles and he turned into mush. Bortles proved to be unable to make the big plays that the Jaguars needed to pull out the victory and they fell to the same fate that it seems like every team that faces the Patriots do. A loss after a comeback victory in the fourth quarter.

After the AFC Championship game took place, it was time for the Philadelphia Eagles and Minnesota Vikings to face off in the NFC Championship game. The biggest lesson I learned from this is that Nick Foles is my new hero.

Foles put to rest the evil Vikings that crushed the hopes and dreams of the entire state of Louisiana with a miracle play to end their divisional game with the New Orleans Saints. The Vikings looked primed to advance to the Super Bowl with a dominant defense, and a quarterback in Case Keenum, that was starting to get offensive with how good he was performing after being a backup quarterback. Foles won the battle of the backups easily putting together a near perfect game with the 38-7 rout of the Vikings.

The second thing I learned from the NFC Championship game is that the Saints would’ve done better. The Vikings got lucky and dethroned the 2018 Super Bowl champions too early. Drew Brees would’ve climbed higher on the all-time quarterback rankings with a 400-yard, 3-touchdown performance in the big game that would’ve led the Saints to a 52-24 win over the Patriots. Brees would’ve also won MVP and gone on to become the Governor of Louisiana.

The final thing I learned from the AFC and NFC championship round of the playoffs is that the Patriots are about to win another Super Bowl. The Patriots’ dynasty will continue on until 100 years from now, when someone else finds the new Avatar.

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