Canadian coin conundrum cured

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Canadian coin conundrum cured

Steve Lutz

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 I spent five years as a pizza delivery driver, and during that time, there was one customer who always stood out to me. 

While I can’t remember his real name, what I will always remember is the nickname I gave him, “Canadian Dimes.” We called him Canadian Dimes because that’s what you could expect as a tip from him, and since it was a tip, I couldn’t refuse it as legal tender, so we were always stuck with some Canadian coinage, wondering what the exchange rate was.

That customer wasn’t the only way I received Canadian money. It still ends up in my pockets all the time. I come home from the store and put my coins in the change jar, only to discover that I’ve been duped into picking up Canadian money again. I think I’ve found a lucky penny on the ground, only to find out it’s Canadian. Coinstar won’t take it, my bank won’t take it and stores won’t take it. I’m at a loss for what to do, so here are a few suggestions I’ve come up with:

1. Give them to Justin Bieber. 

I know a lot of people who want this young man back in Canada. Perhaps we can combine all our errant Canadian change and bribe him to return to his home country once and for all.

2. Melt ‘em down. 

Perhaps we can melt these coins down and have a statue made to honor some of the greatest Canadians to influence our nation — Dan Akyroyd, Keanu Reeves or Ryan Gosling, maybe? This could be figured out by popular vote. I do, however, feel like voting for Nickelback merits a possible loss of citizenship.

3. Buy the Toronto Blue Jays. 

It seems odd that a MLB baseball team is located in Canada — and in the American League, no less. This is America’s national past time. By combining all the Canadian change lying around, we can purchase the Blue Jays and move them across Lake Ontario and onto American soil.

4. Use the currency exchange program. 

I guess the most logical idea is to set up some sort of currency exchange program with the government and trading in all this useless metal, or what I assume are precious gems, being amassed by the Canadians.

5. Put them in the Swear Jar.

Perhaps we should hold onto these coins and implement a swear jar in our homes and workplaces, and then have a pizza party once it’s full. Everyone puts their change in the swear jar while we casually slip our Canadian money into the jar. In the end we get to profit from the pizza party without spending any of our hard-earned Canadian money.

I’m not sure which of these options would work best for dealing with this Canadian change problem. Perhaps I should go visit the Great White North one of these days and spend the accumulating pile of coins on my trip. Which leaves me to wonder — is the whole reason I keep ending up with these coins just a way for the Canadian Tourism Commission just to get me to visit in the first place?


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